Archive for March, 2008

26
Mar
08

to kill a mocking burr

“Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” ~ William Shakespeare


Oh rip me a new one
If it makes you feel better
Gentle thoughts: hard stamped on
Ideas shared are just fodder

Clever words all dressed up
And nowhere to go
Do I give you retort
Or just go with the flow?

Because this isn’t about
A neutral debate
Points scored as a boxing bout
And then clean the slate

Because if you can’t win
You won’t answer in kind
Falling silent; erasing
The witness – gone blind

A game of clever diatribe
In a fast interchange
As the scholarly scribe
Battles the short range

Words are malleable
Crafted to create or cut
Pressed like hot metal
Used for succour or retort

But remember this:
Ink may fade on a page
But once read, they embed
On a memory, not so easily
Forgotten…

And they impress on a spirit
As fire consumes paper, once lit
You can tear up the script
Scrub out the lines; hit delete

But I saw what you wrote
Full of self import gloat
The ghost of your thoughts
Still quietly taunts

And in silence
The final word
My last thought
Remains unheard

25
Mar
08

FUBAR

Some days… some days are sent to try us.

1. Wake up, feel like shit – have inherited cold from co-worker who insisted on bringing their shitty assed cold into the open plan office. Won’t stop sneezing.

2. Get on bus (which is late) – trawl through post holiday traffic, crawling at a rate slightly faster than a slug on mogadon.

3. Arrive in work 13 minutes late – disapproving look from boss. What’s new?

4. Go to meeting. Clients don’t appear to have a scooby.

5. Get back to office, boss having volunteered a revised set of costs and timings by end of play today. I’m leaving at 4pm to travel across Scotland for further evening work – it’s now 1pm.

6. Trying to focus on work whilst work experience person keeps asking if I remember the day my other work pal scoffed biscuits that weren’t hers. Dead funny. (Starting to lose will to live…)

7. Deadline approaching, still haven’t got costs sorted. Other boss starts spamming email with questions about previous jobs, contacts, timescales. I have 7 minutes to get the sodding costs out.

8. Other colleague comes over and starts asking me how to reformat a chart graph cos the figures aren’t showing. Do I look like I’m laid back on my ass with a pina colada in my hand?

9. Leave – leaving uber boss to finally send my costs off from my email box cos I HAD to leave.

10. Miss train by 3 minutes.

11. Spend entire evening doing research work. Finally leave venue at 9.20pm.

12. Arrive at train station. Guess what? Yeah – missed train by 4 minutes.

13. Crawl onto train… find comfy quiet seat. Settle down. Doors pull shut.

14. The reincarnation of Richard Harris lumbers up the main aisle. You can smell him before you hear him before you see him. He is steaming drunk. He plonks his arse down next to a poor girl sat in front of me. He starts to chat her up. “Eeeeyyoore ayes har liike poohoools ov shockolate….” Then he farts.

15. Get up.. calmly walk down train, looking slightly psychotic at this point.

16. Next carriage – find a seat at other end, sit down and rest.

17. Five minutes later, train conducter appears with…. guess who? Frog marches the guy down and plonks him in the seats opposite to where I am sitting with the rejoining words “don’t annoy anyone here”. He then fucks off, leaving us to hear said messiah of the inebriate slack arse to rant and rave about train conductor and ungrateful bitches who didn’t appreciate his chat up lines.

Fucker. I swear that bastard conductor did it deliberately.

18. Drunkard finally gets up and fucks off down the train to abuse the toilet. I am now plugged into the ipod with hardcore metal playing at full blast – it’s just about keeping me from murdering someone.

19. Twat reappears. Hovers over me and says “ticjhhhets plu-huh-leease…” and starts to snort with laughter. Have you ever seen a female lion’s eyes just before she goes for an antelope’s jugular?

20. Two guys tell him to sit down – I think they sensed a disturbance in the force.

21. Get into station 11pm. Walk home – I need the air. 11.30 Home. Eat. Write ranty blog.

23
Mar
08

No pain, no gain


Aiiiiiyeeeeeeeeee… OW!
Ohhh… ow …How?
That half heart beat; hair’s breadth breath
Between strike and blow and gritted teeth
You sputter half heard fulminations
Reiterations of self recriminations
You missed .. the .. damned.. NAIL
And now you flail
Your pulsing thumb
Slowly purple numb
Throbbing thud thud warm, hot blood
And no, it isn’t feeling good
Not that it would

You missed the target
Now you’re forfeit
And curse, cuss, STAMP
Your foot, because, oh FUCK…
It hurts…. Dear God it hurts…
And look ripped skin, torn flesh
And now the drama starts
And red stuff flows and spurts
And still you curse:

How stupid were you to be so distracted
Your sight flicked away… attracted
By that movement, that rhythm; sway
And how your eyes went out to play
and came to hit fairly and squarely
…and nailed you literally
to the spot
Fuck… she was hot
But so’s your thumb, gone numb
And now she’s gone
Still smiling
At the guy who totally missed the swing
With a half flirt grin
Was it worth the pain now blistering?

Hell yes,
In that low slung dress
It was worth the pain
And the gain
Of that shy smile…
Well worth the while.

16
Mar
08

release


Let.. it.. go…
Fingers grasped tightly; knuckles white
Teeth clenched firmly; lip under bite
Just breathe; just cease
Just stop thinking about this
Taut muscles: must release
Pull back from the abyss

Let.. it.. go…
Intake of slow measured breath
Fingers tremble; adreno rush
This fear, this little death
This denial, this final push
Don’t hold on, this selfish
Desire: this fallen wish

Let.. him.. go…
There’s no want; nor care,
No desire; no need left there
Only echo and the memory
Turned his back and set you free
So step forward, and walk away
There’s nothing else left to say

Let’s.. just.. go…
New day, new eyes, apprehend the sunrise
Dawning understanding – don’t you realise?
There’s nothing left to despise
There’s no histrionics – no reprise
It’s you, the clean air, the sea breeze
A broad vista: ultra clear blue skies

14
Mar
08

tempus fugit


Studying the second hand, on the clock, that never seems to want to move
Faster than that slow drawn out never ending moment of hanging space
Time, dawdles, kicks its feet on the ground, unwilling to even shove
An inch further, a minute quicker, scrutinised in this bored unchanging place

But look away, distracted in the fray of sudden activity
And oh look, the runaway horse, tempus, loosed free
Gallops out the gate, no moment to contemplate
A blur in the whirr of a stirring of movement and… too late!

Where did the time go? It seemed so slow…
And yet, for that fleeting moment, it sped – fast lane flow:
How we perceive our hours, ticking away, flitting away
Experiences, the elusive knife’s edge of consciousness’ play

Is it real, how we feel, older? Or is it a fabricated concept
Designed to connect us – with a communal reality: except…
One person says the day dragged by, whilst for another it just flew through
Passing moments; state of mind: temporally speaking, how was it for you?

13
Mar
08

liquid sunshine


Tap
.
Tap
.
Tap
.
Tap, tap…
Tap tap tap… tap…

…and a Full . On . Rattle
Like chattering prattle
Cascades; tiny tear drop hammers
Ever noisier; pounding; clamours
Streaming rivulets on the window pane
Drumming, like fingertips in rhythmic refrain

Dulcet rumble, black sky drum roll
Flash of sheet white blinding light
Shearing, hushing, driving, pushing
Downpour’s symphonic primal rite

Fading cascade, shimmered showers, now transient
And then, the break: silvered gleams; sudden, silent
Pierce the gunmetal grey orographic nimbus
Warming the pungent steaming wet soaked earth
And us, tracing patterns in the steamed up glass
Watching the fragile drip trickle slow: storm, finally, passed.

09
Mar
08

Desire


Blood flushes through dilated veins
Inner thighs, tense and weaken
Sweat, pearled, trickles and stains
Lips dry; words fail, unspoken


Eyes catch, a lingering gaze
Follow the body curve, tracing
Slow, slinking, steady sways:
Slips, inviting, come-on facing…


Shallow breathing, heart pulsing
Faintest breath, crossed neck, is bliss
Nails lingering, traced on skin
Lips parted, teasing, almost kiss


Fingertips, explore: alight
Claiming cleft, soft uncharted flesh
Pulls and pushes: touch compliant
Searching out, pleasure in, afresh


Warmth slides, to meld to one
Body beats now synchronised
Lost in scent and pheromone
Feeling flows from out to inside


Quickening, passion’s sin
Selfish need to giving in
And in the death throttle, silent thrall
The primal, pain pleasured call…


Lying, broken: yet complete
Curled comfort: silently replete.

07
Mar
08

Lullaby (pour your heart out)

I kinda heard a stalking joke
He was killing me so softly…
With his song, hidden by the mirrors and smoke
Stepping sideways, across and out to see…
Nothing at all, an empty hole:
To where did he flee?

(Judas turned and fled)

He’s singing – it’s a killer’s lullaby
Hiding in the leafy words and swirling missed
Why he’s here today, it’s hard to say
Waiting for the moment to stab at you and twist…
The knife… in deeper; inner deeper
Held by the bloodied fist

(Judas stood and bled)

The blood and the spit mingled in sulphur
The magician’s hand, the cursing voodoo (that you do…)
He purrs slowly into your ear, I’m here…
Singing his spell, kissing to tell, isn’t killing taboo?
Lord of the dead can dance
Master of the self destructive romance

(Sweet Judas, I missed you)


02
Mar
08

Mahakali


Black as the deepest, stillest hour of night
She wheels around; silent ecstasy of love’s light
Hard pressed, hand to flesh
Blood lust, in ashen dust

Destroyer, reviver, rejuvenator
Cast your rage filled eyes to me
Burn with me, you, who I adore
Divine fire, full desire, wild and free

Oh Bhadrakali, gentle mother
Lift me up, and hold me close
Suckling child, procreator
Fierce protector against all foes

Shakti, constant creation, spark of life
All conscious, dancing; union eternal
Rests lovingly upon the chest of Shiv
Terrible, unbearable, beautiful.