Archive for January, 2009

31
Jan
09

little things

“It’s the little things that bother us and put us on the rack, you can sit upon a mountain but you can’t sit upon a tack.”


It’s not the big things that hit us hard
It’s the little things in life – notice how?
Just like a high speed driven car
When that fly smacks on the window

Wham.
Bam.
Thank you maam.

It’s the little things that are said
Or not said
That stop you dead
In your tracks
Rewind
Replay
Re-enact

Re-evaluate

Too little, too late?

Small things
In neat packets:
Like momentary happiness
A melt drop, chocolate
Minute of bliss
A brief, forbidden kiss
A stolen glance
A second chance

We take our little pleasures
And wish for bigger platters
Feelings that matter -
A larger win:
Built upon our pardoned sins
Such grandiose plans…
Burgeoned, our pride stands

Then falls

We gave our all

Little things – small pieces
Snatched anxiously
Fragile, precious

Collected
Like the magpie’s trinkets
Wraggle, taggle
Shiny moments

In fragments.

24
Jan
09

25 things to be (not do)

I originally was writing an article called 101 things to be (not do).

But at number 59 I decided it was sounding highly pretentious and long winded.

In the spirit of KISS (keep it simple, stupid)… I’ve distilled it down into 25, following a creative challenge from a friend.

So… essential thoughts from a personal perspective. It’s not a manual, it’s an individual life view.

1. People change: humans are creatures of habit – they like to think that when things have gotten ‘just right’ that they will always stay that way. Unfortunately they don’t. In fact, the things you bank on being the most safe are often the things that suddenly change or disappear altogether. I know that I have changed over the last three years. Perhaps I’m a harsher person for it – and I know it has affected some friendships. But the one thing I have learned is this: I no longer am a walkover, and sometimes I’m going to be unpleasant because now, I will tell you if you’ve been a dick. Instead of staying silent and just thinking it. But otherwise, I’ll stick through things with those I trust through thick and thin.

2. A good friend will last longer than a lover ever will.

3. It’s okay to change your mind. Even at the last minute.. the last second.

4. I hate the western fashionista world. It’s full of heroin chic, size zero, air-brushed, stick insect women. Women should have curves and gratuitous, rounded mounds of flesh and not feel bad about it.

5. Sometimes I can’t make it. Sometimes I’ll fail. But I never intend to hurt those I let down… it’s just I had to work late, I had no money, or no time or something broke. Sometimes, just sometimes, I misunderstand a situation and will react negatively. If I was wrong – I will always apologise. I’m not too high and mighty to accept that I can, and do, make mistakes. One thing though: if I try and make amends as far as possible and that’s still not enough for you, I can, and often will, walk away. Permanently.

6. It’s ok to follow a dream. The best way to try and make it happen is to take a simple, active, first step towards it. So many people talk about it, but never put their foot where their mouth is.

7. I regularly plant my foot in my mouth.

8. Yes. Women have posh knickers and they have everyday knickers. But we’ll let you dream on.

9. I have this bizarre phenomenon that happens – it’s called the boomerang boyfriend effect. It’s happened more times than I care to mention.

10. One of the worst feelings ever is when two ex-boyfriends meet and discover they had the same girlfriend – namely you, and start comparing notes. In front of you. Including how you squeak at the height of.. uh, passion.

11. Why is smiling such a god damned crime? I mean people see you smiling and think you’ve got ‘one up’ on them or something. Or you want into their pants. Or you’re just a bit crazy. It ain’t necessarily so…

12. I hate silence.

13. What the hell is it with cinema cheese nachos dips? They smell like sulphurous tar pits. They taste much the same. People still eat this shit. I hate the stuff.

14. There is something awe inspiring in seeing an original first manuscript. I saw the original Jane Eyre last month. I was by turns fascinated and reverential.

15. ‘Truth’ is relative. What is true to one person is an outright lie to another. It depends on your worldview, your culture, your belief system, your perceptions. And people forget that.

16. Extremist organised religion scares the hell outta me: its streamlined, one size fits all, ask-no-questions concepts encourage people to obey and not to think. It’s a powerful tool to those who set the rules.

17. Making love is not fucking. Fucking is not making love. Got that?

18. Music is the one thing in the world I could not live without.

19. Insert well known fizzy pop drink…Max? Where’s the max? It has no sugar, it has no caffeine, it’s full of cancer inducing aspartamane. What the hell? What’s the point? I’ll say no thanks.

20. The opening line “I’m not racist, but…” always raises my hackles.

21. Anyone saying they have no regrets, is lying.

22. 70% cocoa chocolate melting slowly in the mouth is on a par with coming slowly.

23. In the face of danger, I will take a deep breath, focus, set my face to deadpan and keep on walking. Albeit at a much quickened pace. The less emotion you see, the more shit scared I will be.

24. I love all the things that are bad for me: coffee, chocolate, alcohol, men. But I still indulge.

25. I see Life as a series of desires, chasing those desires, making attempts, experiencing failures, learning from them, picking oneself up off the floor. But occasionally, I get it right. It’s worth it, and I’ll never, ever, give up.

03
Jan
09

Gancho

Slow slips the hand
comfortably left
on the cleft between her
hip and her waist
fingers, placed
tantalisingly
deftly
lightly
pressing

Fast steps the foot
fleet, sure, clipped, touched
and pulled in close
breath slows
almost
caressed ear
hear
the rhythm heartbeat
so near

Wheel round – eloquently jarred:
hand found; clasped hard
heel ground, her leg, smooth
slides
down
his
inside
thigh

Staccato, striding: hips colliding
Tango embrace, her lips trace
teasingly across his face
pausing in taut grace:
hot
cold
touch
toe
to
toe
musical flow
of tense muscle
stretched sinew

Last grasp, last bold
thrust, whirl, and… hold
last bar, last chord
pressed body
near floored
held
hard
heaved
heaven-ward

Last tango
Last embrace
Last boleo
Last kiss.

03
Jan
09

Αλφα

Another new year.

I don’t really believe in resolutions because they never really happen. In January, we always seem to set ourselves guilt ridden tasks like giving up smoking, or going on a diet or clearing out the garage that’s gotten so full over the last year.

January is the month of clearing out. Probably because we have no money after the excesses of the previous month, so our minds turn to the future and a clearing of the pathway to the future months.

So, it is without any resolution that I have made some changes already.

I have booked myself onto some courses which I hope will result in a change of circumstances over the next six months. I have decided to change my attitude about people: that sounds wide sweeping – it isn’t – I simply have decided that if I am to make myself more open to people, I am also having to be tougher when things don’t work out. It is happening. I have learned a lot about myself over the last twelve months and not all of it is pleasant. But at least I can accept myself for who I am now, and understand that not everyone is going to like me. That’s just the way it goes.

What I would encourage anyone to do in January is instead of making guilt ridden resolutions, is to review their life from the last year, and decide what they take from that year and build upon it.

2009 is the Chinese year of the Ox. The Chinese say these years mark achievement through slow, steady, hard work – through commitment and tenacity. It is not a year marked by revolution, but one marked by slow change.

Perhaps after seeing so many of my friends undergo rapid changes of fate, emotionally, mentally and physically last year – a year like this will do us all some good.

I wish you all a wonderful new year, I hope it’s potential will blossom from the tightly winter-bound bud you now have, into a spectacular flower come the summer.. and burgeon heavy fruits of success by the autumn.

Be safe, be well…