There are days…

I’m usually known as a fairly calm individual, with a large amount of patience but I’m starting to wonder whether this week is a bit of an aberration.

Perhaps when a person feels overly tired, they tend to notice things that irritate them, more.  Or perhaps it’s simply that toleration levels become inversely proportional to how much sleep you’ve managed to achieve in a week.  I haven’t had much sleep.

This week I have:

• Travelled to the family homestead halfway across the country for virtually the third week on the run. Train trips both ways, were populated by screaming children, arguing lovers (two liverpudlian gentlemen) – one of which kept making obnoxious throat clearing noises, and people with loud mobile phones who let the entire theme tune of Battlestar Gallactica (complete with cylon voice samples) to play before picking up.
• Attended my grandfather’s funeral which was also a session of mediation between hostile family members.
• Fell over and badly twisted my ankle, whilst knocking and bruising my arm (the one that was once shattered and currently sports about 25 steel pins inside it).
• Missed my Greek class because I was too broken to get there.
• Undertook a 40 minute audit with a quality assessor at work who kept falling asleep during my assessment. Yes. Asleep.
• Played mediator with a number of friends.
• Had a project that I slaved over for four solid days cancelled by a potential client, with a simple, ‘Oops, we’ve cancelled it. Sorry.’ note.

Some weeks, when you sit down and assess what happens, you realise that perhaps it’s ok to feel a little lacklustre. And it’s okay to say ‘no’ to someone that is getting pushy. Politely, but firmly.

Especially if it involves them telling you three times you’re going to a nightclub, when you’ve already told them three times you have a badly twisted ankle. What am I gonna do? Whizz around the dancefloor with a wheely zimmerframe?

Deeeeeeep breath. End rant. It’s almost the weekend.

Careless

Oh to be bland and to be happy in that blandness.
No extremes of high and low
Simple pleasures and happiness
Derived from inoffensive go with the flow
And
Self absorbed awareness
Blissfully not needing to know
Who or how we impact
Just lost in the abstract
Wandering around in insensitive haze
A vaguely conscious inert gaze
Unconcerned on all around
So dumbly deafly profound
Wouldn’t it be nice to just not care?
Not be bothered to even bear
Witness to life’s impinging touch
Just not to give that much
of a flying fuck?
The problem is you see
I’m only too aware to be
Careless. Care less?
Could I? Should I?
Does anyone else?
Ironic, that in the thick smog of apathy,
I can see, only too clearly.

Soundtrack for a life

Do you like music? More’s the point, do you love music, or is it simply a distraction to be played in the background?

I’m a musicphile. I always have been. For me, music has the capacity to lift me out of the ordinary situation and transport me to an entirely different place. It’s like an adreno hit, a musical high…

Further research into hard, fast facts confirms the suspected – that music does affect the human mind – and has done for millennia. Neanderthals crafted simple flutes, shamans have long beaten the rhythmic drum, Apollists stummed the lyrical lyre, and today we have an entire multi-billion dollar industry built around the phenomena. A whole scientific therapy has built up around the notational and rhythmic effect: music therapy. An understanding that music pushes buttons in the brain which, according to what type of music you’re listening to, will elicit serotonin or melatonin to course through the pathways of your head… and create a very physical effect: a stimulated high with higher alertness levels, or the effects of a more meditational state.

Recent interest in sleep, meditation and hypnosis research has spurred scientists to take a closer look at music. A small but growing body of scientific evidence suggests that music and other rhythmic stimuli can alter mental states in predictable ways and even heal damaged brains.

According to Stanford University research: “Music with a strong beat stimulates the brain and ultimately causes brainwaves to resonate in time with the rhythm, research has shown. Slow beats encourage the slow brainwaves that are associated with hypnotic or meditative states. Faster beats may encourage more alert and concentrated thinking.”

Harold Russell, a clinical psychologist and adjunct research professor in the Department of Gerontology and Health Promotion at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston, used rhythmic light and sound stimulation to treat ADD (attention deficit disorder) in elementary and middle school boys. His studies found that rhythmic stimuli that sped up brainwaves in subjects increased concentration in ways similar to ADD medications such as Ritalin and Adderall.

Researchers seem encouraged that music could be the key to effectively treating a variety of neurological disorders from depression to ADD and even prove invaluable in repairing brain damage.

For me, music is better than a herbal high, a fix of chocolate or even the caffeine hit.

If the music be the food of love, or indeed life, then play on…

come on

The tinkle of glasses colliding
like bodies
and laughter parading
look at me
and look at you
as you cruise
through the crowds

rhythmic music
hips swaying
unconscious
come play me
come hither shimmy

and a quick
flit
look across
the dance floor
and move to the door
teasing
are you following?
in mind
body
fantasy…

a slip of a smile
promises
I’ll see you in a while
through the populous
haze
the body maze
where hands slide
feet glide
quickened steps
and looks implied
you press
to impress
comfortably up against
the bar

fingers
linger
singing
ringing
the edge of your empty glass
as you glance
across

Waiting for the opening chance
to walk up
as the music still plays…
dance
up close
and propose
to lose
the crowd…

if you’re allowed

What took you
so long?
She cossets
As you leave on the last song.

My Music Player beats your Astrology Chart

This is entertaining. This was passed on to me by one of my online friends. Feel free to play the same game – the results are bizarre.

My Music Player beats your Astrology Chart

A friend told me itunes could predict everything about me…

Suggestions:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write down the song (and tell us what you think about it.)
4. Tag whoever the hell you want.
5. Everyone tagged has to do whatever the hell they want.

Reader: consider yourself tagged…  

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?

Ohne Dich (Under Byen remix) – Rammstein

Literally means.. without you.

“Without you I cannot be, Without you, With you I am alone too.”

Ironic. I finally decided this month that I’m no longer on the look out for a significant other. If it happens, it happens. Every article you read these days for single 30 or 40 something women makes out that you’re doomed – unless you’re prepared to truss yourself up like a turkey (and pluck yourself like one too) and prostrate your ego underfoot. Meh, I can live without that philosophy. Mañana – what comes, comes.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

Let’s Have a War – A Perfect Circle

Umm.. yeah. I’m contradictory, not afraid to speak my mind. But that doesn’t mean an argument’s unhealthy. I can be nice and uncontradictory too. Honest guv.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

God’s Song – Cold

Bizarre random result. I’m agnostic.

“If I can’t describe my feeling for you
The game will never change”

But I guess that’s one thing I do like in a guy – emotional honesty: both in the good and the bad times. If that can’t come out, then indeed, the game will never change. How can a relationship grow any other way?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

What it’s like to be hated – Mansun

Hahaha – who’s pulling the strings here?

I had to sing this for me
Watch myself pilloried
Ugly, scruffy, no-one
But then I guess that you knew
Nasty, bitter, enraged
A nice polite English way
Full circle, desensitised
I’m right back where I began

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

Politik – Coldplay

Give me time and give me space
Give me real don’t give me fake
Give me strength, reserve control
Give me heart and give me soul
Give me time, give us a kiss
Tell me your own politik

Just open up your eyes…
But give me love over, love over, love over this

Truth, sincerity, be the best you can. Seek happiness where you can. Never fake it.

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?

Eurochild – Massive Attack

{grins} I have the travel bug, and my itch is pulling me to Europe mainland, with a view to going out there long term.  Currently wavering towards France, although Greece is warmer.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Kid – The Pretenders

kid, gracious kid
your eyes are blue but you won’t cry
I know angry tears are too dear
you won’t let them go

Unfortunately true. I tend to bottle up the negative and not spill it out on other people – perhaps too controlled. There’s been many a time friends say ‘you know you can call me up and share’. But I rarely do. Probably because I tend to think they already have enough on their own plate.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Hurt Like Mine – Black Keys

I swear I’m not making this up.

I’m gonna delicately sidestep this one. Let’s just say it’s complicated.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Your Painted Smile – Roxy Music

You’ll never know babe
The state I’m in
It’s a plastic world babe
No tiger skin

Ah gee… and you’ll never know. Lost opportunities, but no point in lingering.

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Sweet Talk, The Killers

What is this? A double date? A swingers party?

Neeeeeeeeext…

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

11AM – Incubus

“Then again, you’re always first when no one’s on your side”

Interpreted, my foremost friend (and I have a close circle), if there is a need – will put down everything and come over from wherever she is, and whatever she is doing. This the kind of friend you wanna keep around, preferably for life.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

She came through the bathroom window – The Beatles

Better than against it.

I have a habit of entering people’s lives in the most unconventional manner. It makes life interesting.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Naked in Front of the Computer – Faith No More

{chokes on mouthful of tea}

Okay – so I’m a net addict. Naked? No comment.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Stay with me – unlikely – Celldweller

Oh boy, OK – you got me. I may be forthright, but I’m never too sure about opening meet ups. I guess I’m a bit cynical these days.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Be Be Your Love – Rachael Yamagata

Awww…

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Miss u Less, See u More – Faithless

Errr.. maybe I’m gonna come haunt you.   

goodbye

Say goodbye
the best way you know how
silently say
it as you walk away

Do not turn around
Do not utter a sound

Place one foot after another
stepping further and further
from the place we once shared together
and never

let
regret
taint
your heart